Today Patrick, my brother, left for a 3 month long exchange program in Tanzania. My Dad and I went to the airport with him. We stayed with him up until he had to go through security. It sucks knowing he'll be away for so long. I pretty much cried from getting to the airport and all the way home. Ever since my Mom moved to The States I've really hated airports, and sending Patrick off made me miss my Mom even more than I normally do. I've run out of sleeping pills too, so today is a bitch to put it mildly. I miss my Mom, I miss my brother, I want to go home (to The States), and I can't fucking fall asleep. In other words; everything sucks and I can't do anything but lay awake all night and feel it. Sadly, darkness confirms what we can't see, and tonight is just a reminder of how much I wish I was somewhere else and things weren't as messy as they are.
I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and today is just one of those days where I realize I'm not as okay as I sometimes think I am. I still can't fall asleep without pills and I'm still stuck in this cycle of being too tired to go to school, and one of the main reasons I'm so tired is because I'm not done with school, which means I can't get on with my life. I'm picking up Ophelia Tuesday, but I'm too bummed out to be excited. I'm too bummed out to be excited about the apartment. And I'm too bummed out to want to do anything but lay on the couch and be bummed out. I'm pretty good at forcing myself to do stuff, like hang out with friends and so on, but I wouldn't mind not having to force myself to do things I enjoy. I know this is just a "woe is me" post, but all I want to do is fall asleep for a thousand years and wake up not feeling confused, scared and sad. To my dismay I can't fall asleep for a thousand years, so instead I'm writing down what I'm feeling, if just to sort through some of the things i desperately need to sort through, and maybe admit somethings I should admit, if only to myself.
1 Comment
Ylva
3/30/2016 04:10:31 pm
<3
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Katie21 y/o girl from Oslo, Norway. Who has bad punctuation and is always a little sleepy. Archives
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