December 2015This December was my first time in The US as a 21 year old. I'm pretty sure my mom has been waiting for me to be "of age" since the day I was born. When she held me for the first time she probably whispered "we gon' do tequila shots" in my ear (motherhood at it's finest). I've honestly had a blast with my mom, she's everything I love and fear (to become) all at the same time (I used to come home from school to mom blasting Sex Pistols or The Cure while baking banana bread, if you don't think raising kids on "Anarchy in the UK" and "I'll melt with you" isn't totally punk rock I don't know what is). You might think my mom looks all "Beverly Hills housewife" now, but trust me, this bitch had a mohawk in the late 70's. (Also my Mom is super pretty! No if's, and's ,or but's about it) We decided to road trip to Las Vegas (it's only like 6 hours from SLC) as we enjoy a good car ride. She'd booked us a suite at The Hard Rock Hotel, so we were obviously gonna go hard (AND ROCK!). Once we got in to our hotel room I had her "color" my hair (I mix some of my hair dye, it's one of those vegetable based colors, into conditioner and leave it in my hair for X amount of time to keep the color vibrant). Now, if you've ever had red hair you know you can't use white towels to dry it, what color towels does absolutely ever hotel have!? White! Do you think I'd had enough foresight to think about this? Absolutely not! Therefore I would like to formally apologize to The Hard Rock Hotel for what I did to your towels (and also you're shower rug). If blood was bright pink (the red dye mixed with water showes up pink on white surfaces, if you were a self declared artist, and always put emphasis and the "i" or no one will take your work seriously, in kindergarten you would know this. Red + white = pink, simple science) it would have looked like I'd killed 4 people and a mule in that very room. But blood isn't bright pink, so that was one of the worst analogies ever (,much like my beloved: "The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t", this list is pure magic, if you haven't read it, you have to). I guess it just looked like a little wine had been had by a person who's balance might be a little reduced at the moment current events took place. After I dried up (and my mother had said the very appropriate"what the FUCK, Katie?" when she saw what I had done to the towels and rug) we painted our faces with the kind of over confidence you get when you are surround by drunk seniors at slot machines (heavily and forcefully! she actually made me wipe my face with an untainted towel because Vegas had really inspired me to apply a hefty amount of highlighter to my face, and she was not all about it. In all honestly you could probably caus some permanent damaged to your eyesight if you looked directly at me, like the sun, but also like the sun, the world revolves around me, so like I care. Also Medusa is my Idol and if I can't turn men to stone, to the least I can do is caus some snow blindness and a few, minor motor vehicle accidents). While she was finishing up I had a minor selfie shoot, and I must say, the results were rather underwhelming, so obviously I'm going to post them on my blog. This is literally my selfie game... Stupid face: Check Peace sign: Check I love this picture for the pure fact that it looks like we have drugs in a little baggie in the background, when in reality it's my moms pick n' mix, if that isn't an anti-climax I don't know what is. I snap-chatted this to quite a few people (,and yes, also boys), because if you can't handle my double chin(s), good luck with the rest of me. ("jakka knirker" is pretty much Norwegian for "my jacket is squeaking") This is not a cute photo of my mom, but it is of me... so it's kinda my profile picture on Facebook now. After we headed doen to eat dinner. We went to "The Culinary Dropout" which is actually in The Hard Rock Hotel and it was so good! Also we drank a few absinthe based drinks so we were having huge amounts of fun! We hit the slots as one often does in Vegas when ones judgement is impaired by alcohol. Did you know if you're gambling at a casino you can order drinks for free, FREE! I was in awe of this fact, my though went along the line of "I'm already intoxicated and you mean I can get even more fucked up for FREE!". The only other times I can get hammered for free is at bars, with men I don't know, by making "promises" I never intend to keep (I only do this when I'm pretty drunk from before though. Being a feminist I don't think men should have to buy me anything. While we're on the subject I don't think men should have to pay for anything for women. I also think men should have the same support system and respect if they experience something traumatic and have a hard time coping, I think females should face the same amount of jail time as a man if they committed the same crime and I think females should also be drafted if necessary, it's only equality if it the pros and cons are the same for everyone). My mom actually got so drunk she spilled her jack & coke down my shoe, (I was wearing her shoes so technically not "my shoe",) I was wearing some leather "pull-on" boots " (in other words no zipper or any holes to release the liquid that was surrounding my right foot and ankle) so I had to take it off and pour the drink and ice cubes out. A lot of random people complimented my hair and a guy asked it he could touch it, I said yes and all was good in my little intoxicated world. The next morning my mom was sick and said she thought she had caught the flue that was going around, to which I responded "I'm pretty sure you're just hungover, it gets worse when you're elderly" (but joke was on me cause it was the flue and she gave it to me two days later). My mom wanted me to go out on my own, but being the little ball of anxiety I am didn't feel comfortable walking around doing stuff by my self. I didn't even go out to get food (I didn't eat before closer to 12 that night/the next day since they didn't have anything vegan on the roomservice menu and I didn't want to ask them. I talked her into going to the show we had purchased tickets for the day before though. We had bought tickets to a show called "Absinthe" (which I wanted to see as I love the green fairy). The show was AMAZING! It was a cross between burlesque, comedy and circus acts. There's a lot I could tell you! But why not SHOW you!!! Also it might be worthwhile to mention; If you take offense to sexual content or the words "fuck", "shit", "piss", "cunt" and "cock" (like the fucking buzzkill you then probably are) this might not be your cup of tea. This isn't the same comedy act I saw, but I couldn't find a long version of the version they were doing when I saw it. (Also if I can have the "bubble girls" body, that would be great.) Needless to say we had a pretty kickass time
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My brother recently turned 23. That fact is extremely uncomfortable for me, and in hopes of clinging on to the past as hard as I could (and to make a sweet collage for Facebook) I headed to the nearest and dearest item in my possession, of course, I'm talking about my baby book. I normally don't dive deep into my nostalgia, because I've left claw marks from being dragged up and down memory lane for as long as I can remember. I don't cope well with inevitable change... But I did find some cute pictures of me and my brother. Please note someone holding Pat back so he doesn't attack me like the savage beast he is I'm pretty sure the picture above and the one right below are from the same day as we are wearing the exact same clothes. I remember getting that stroller from my Norwegian Grandma and Grandpa for my birthday. And if that is correct, and the pictures are from my the same day, I'm betting I had a pretty cool birthday. Brownies and present days are often good days. Side note: Santa had me fucked up
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Katie21 y/o girl from Oslo, Norway. Who has bad punctuation and is always a little sleepy. Archives
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